Dude, You Don't Wanna Know
by Archived-AndInactive
Summary: In which bananas are eaten.


**This is ridiculous, innuendo-laden nonsense that is more than a little OOC and not at all my usual more heartfelt and serious style. My sanity is in question.**

**Review or I will sneak into your house and punch you in the face.**

The sound of many teenagers laughing and arguing bounced off the walls of the Hudmel (Finn's nickname) living room. A group – consisting of Finn, Puck, Artie, Brittany, Santana, Kurt, and Blaine – was gathered on the couch, chairs, and floor, playing Finn's new X-Box. There were snacks strewn across the floor, and many of them were munching chips or sipping soda. Kurt, ever the health nut, was the only exception, and was eating a banana instead. Which is where the story begins. Puck, you see, was the first to notice the funny (to him, at least) coincidence of _Kurt_ eating a _banana_, and started snickering, though he tried to control it. Blaine was the first to see him, and gave the mohawked jock a curious look.

"_Kurt's eating a banana",_ he mouthed to Blaine before chuckling softly again. The Warbler glanced at his not-quite-boyfriend and repressed a giggle. Kurt looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

Blaine never got the chance to explain though, because Puck took the opportunity to shoot an innocent-sounding "Enjoying your banana?" across the room at Kurt.

The countertenor stared at him curiously for a moment before a light of realization clicked in his expression. He gave Puck a _that's-not-funny-but-I'm-actually-kind-of-amused _ look and turned back to the screen, but not before making a quiet noise of appreciation around the fruit. "Actually, yes." He responded, smirking. "It's a really delicious banana." The other two boys burst out in another round of giggles at that, but Kurt wasn't finished because Finn had turned towards him with interest at hearing his response. "Is it really good? 'Cause I'm kinda hungry…" He trailed off.

"Mmh, totally." He paused. "Do you wanna eat my banana, Finn?" He offered the fruit and coughed to hide his own laughter. Blaine, Puck, Artie and Santana – both of whom had apparently caught on – didn't have as much luck and had to stifle their laughter with food or their fists.

Finn, still confused, took a bite of the fruit, earning another round of laughter from everyone.

"He bit it!" Artie choked out before doubling over and laughing into his pant leg.

"Is it really that good?" Blaine questioned, trying to keep his voice from wavering and wiping tears from his eyes.

"Yeah!" Finn responded enthusiastically.

"Do you want some, Blaine?" Kurt asked, turning to him.

"I cannot think of anything in the world I want more than to have your banana in my mouth right now." Blaine responded, the corners of his lips twitching. He took a deep breath to steady himself before grabbing the fruit from Finn and taking a bite. "Most delicious thing I've ever tasted." He declared, mouth full of banana, as he handed it back to Kurt. Santana buried her face in her hands.

"Can I have some?" Brittany asked eagerly. Santana shook her head and tried to pull Brit back down to the floor where they'd been sitting together, but Brit got up anyways and reached for it.

"No!" Kurt snapped suddenly, yanking his hand away. "No girls are allowed to touch my banana." He grumbled, voice low but loud enough for Puck and Artie sitting across the room from him and Blaine and Finn sitting on either side of him. Finn remained oblivious, though, as did Brit, who looked slightly hurt. Blaine nearly fell out of his seat though, turning his head into Kurt's shoulder and laughing into his shirt.

"What the HELL is so funny?" Finn asked loudly, starting to get ticked off.

"Banana," Puck choked out brokenly.

"…What?"

"It's a dick joke, Finn." Santana explained with her usual annoyed tone. "Seriously, how stupid are you?"

Finn glanced over at Kurt, who was now attempting to feed the offending fruit to Blaine, but both of them were laughing too hard for it to work. He shuddered. He was never eating bananas again.


End file.
